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I'm really writing on here to keep myself sane and on an even keel . I feel a bit lost and rudderless without my best friend and sweet lover , Kitty . For a while there I thought I might be losing the will to put up with day to day life shit , just seemed like a useless endeavor , treading water just to keep it at my chin , a bit more and I would just quietly sink under the waves and find some peace. I always told Kitty that I did not want my happiness to depend on one person because that person could disappear from my life , either either of their own volition or just be snatched away by fate , by death . It took me a while to come to know that I had put all my eggs in Kitty's basket , for better or for worse and admit that I loved her more than life itself . I told her lots of times that I loved her , after she would tell me that she loved me . That was not enough , I know now . I should have told her just how much I loved her , that she had made my life worth living again…

Hi there , I hope my blog contribution has not been too depressing . It has been a terrible experience fo me ( all of us ) but I meant it to be a " cautionary tale" . Whatever degree of happiness you may have achieved do not take it for granted . Live every day as if it is your last day or your last day of Bliss . squeeze out every bit of joy , happiness out of life . As always in these situations there is so much I want to tell the one I Love , things I should have said and done for my Sweetie. I always told her that I loved her body , told her she was beautiful . I told her that I needed her and only her , I needed nobody else to make me happy . . I told her that I loved her weirdly long toe ..lol.. and then kissed that toe . I told her I loved the weird scar on her lovely belly and kissed it . I did not commit too early in our relationship . I didn't want to have all my happiness depending on one person , I guess I was afraid at first . I did tell my sweet Kitty that…

Maybe I should have been clear in my last post that there was another shoe to drop in my happy story.To be absolutely clear I have no regrets about my wonderful , romantic , once in a lifetime experience . It was a totally new experience for me to be loved so deeply by a woman . Our sexual experiences would make me blush . When both people have a bag ( Ileostomy) it makes the process so easy and soooo much fun . One night we both woke up at exactly the same moment , sat up and simultaneously saying ...." Oh..Oh ...leak ..." We just looked at each other in the 4AM moonlight and started laughing . Being a perfect gentleman I grabbed a handy towel and gave it to my Lady , "ladies first .." I said as I checked my own tee shirt to see how bad it was. About a half hour later we were hopping back into bed , still giggling and laughing . Since we were both awake and feeling pretty lively we did the obvious !!!! I kissed her lovely lips and got those knickers off lol....afte…

Hi , First thing ...I met the Love of My Life on this site . It began as a long distance friendship ( Ireland vs San Francisco ) . We lost touch for a while until one day my Love called while I was headed to Reno for Hot August Nihhts . We were on WhatsApp for the entire trip from SF to Reno. She was fiesty , funny , sweet , honest and she giggled so sweetly I thought I was in Love . We went for Sushi and a movie and by ten PM we were snuggled under the sheets at her house . It was the Most Natural progression ...the most natural next step . Fact is I had not been with a woman , up close and personal for literally years !! I had not kissed a woman or touched a woman romantically in Years . I had given up hope because of my Ostomy and some inner Demons , self conciousness , anger at my Stoma...my health providers , the world in general . She accepted me just as I accepted her , we fit each other like a key fits into a lock , she GOT me and I GOT her , instantly . I was very shy and my l…

I say this with so much admiration because being and ostomy recipient we are responsible for our own happiness in a sense.. okay I'll break it down for those that are puzzled by my statement.. We are responsible for our mental and physical up keep... why do I say that ok ... everyday we have to pep talk ourselves that each day will get better um for some it does and for others well it jus sounds good to say.. we have to have an inner cheer of accomplishment if we can change bags without further issues(poop explosion lol)... not to mention jus getting thru a group meeting without that hideous noise like your stomach is about to explode lol... everyday is a adventure we have to sike ourselves out that ... NO ONE CAN SMELL OR SEE THE RISING OF YOUR BAG IF WE EAT IN PUBLIC OR DRINK SOMETHING WE KNOW WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A 30 MINUTE INTERVENTION WITH THE BATHROOM... YEPPP YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE PEOPLE ...WE EAT ARE DRINK TOO FAST TRYING TO FIT IN AND THERE IT GOES STRAIGHT THRU LIKE A…

I have a prolapsed disk in my lower spine that needs surgery but for reasons I won’t go into now, surgery is deemed too risky. Because of this I was housebound long before lockdown. In the last few weeks I have become more mobile and today I went with my daughter to Waterstones the book store. I have missed it so much I ended up buying 8 books and this gave me reason to remember what I enjoy and am grateful for in life. I am grateful that I can afford to buy books and for the great enjoyment reading brings to my life. Came home to overactive Stoma but I just don’t care today. Stay well everyone

I am finding that people are always trying to encourage positivity and not really allowing room for when someone just wants to say I hate my stoma and what it has done to my life. You don’t always have to rescue me or make me feel better. What would make me feel better would be for people just to listen and allow space for all feelings good or bad. We all have bad days. Please allow them and don’t deny your feelings. It’s ok not to be ok. Repressed feelings will come out in some other way, sometimes in anger.

This morning I received a sign.... I'm suppose to motivate people to live and thats what I'm going to do...I'm not going to go all godly but I will tell you this whatever religion you are dont question your second chance of breathing.... so what you pepe in a bag or poop in one...hell maybe both look down and see what color it is and know it's jus life.... jus think you could be worm food or jus a distant memory.... nope im going to put on my panties or not ‍♀️ And live to breath another day.... you determine who you are and what you will do better.... you can do whatever you want ... this bag or tube doesn't change you.... hell it jus gives you more strength cuz we have to be individuals to get up and deal with this (literally) ...everyday hour minute seconds..... hey so if you read this please tell me how you show your strength dealing with this change

Lately I have been trying to figure out my place in life... Its like I live a double life maybe even triple helll.... u can't let this group of people know of your differences you struggle with because they will treat you like an alien.... so pretend you're jus as strong as them Then on the other side you can't be to independent and happy because you will label as over doing it or XXTRA... because no one is that happy to have a shit bag .... Well I'm jus happy to be alive.... im glad to be able to jus enjoy my kids and grandchildren and mend broken bridges.... breathe enjoy life ups and downs... understand me . ... yes I'm very lonely because I want the right person to come in my life soooo I'm not rushing into relationships anymore and accept jus living me.... now I'm jus trying to help those thats like me jus so they can see the blessing not the curse of having a colostomy

Is it jus me or does everyone have a trust issue when it comes to allowing someone to know about your colostomy.... well im not jus going to tell someone the weakest part of my life without them showing their worthy....I'm jus saying I would like them to know that this doesn't stop who I am ...I jus have to be more careful and super clean .... well I'm not going to give up hope on finding real love because its going to take a real man to love me anyway cuz im a handful ... I'm not going to allow.this obstacle to shut me down and make me another statistic for people to tally up as collateral damage hell...I didnt ask to be like this and im pretty sure its alot of people who can relate...look guys live your life and don't make this an handicap. Besides we live in the time of technology make it work for you