Never give up !!!
Hi there ,
As I probably said before , some of the stuff I write lately may be distressing or not encouraging for people who are looking for their Soulmate , Lover or best friend but I think it may be useful as a Cautionary Tale so I hope you can bear with me XO
Several months have passed since I lost my lovely Kitty and I find myself still in shock and I need to write as it may be cathartic and pain relieving to some degree . I still get those moments when I think .." I have to tell Kitty "...this or that story or tale I might have seen on the internet or we have to watch this or that movie when she gets back . This illusion lasts only moments but it is like a sledgehammer to the head . I think of Kitty's smile and laugh , her words of wisdom and encouragement , the loving and caring way she spoke about her two kiddies , her unending patience with me , with her kids and with people in general . I keep thinking how well she handled Breast Cancer which she defeated successfully , no cancer present , how she handled and loved her two kids who both have ADHD and borderline Autism . I won't go into why Kitty was bringing up her children alone in a very tough, very expensive part of California, The Bay Area , Silicon Valley . Suffice to say that she had the strength and perseverance to do it all alone and become a Language and Speech Therapist , a career which also helped her to deal with her own kids . There is no logic in how and when we lose people and looking for reasons or second guessing our own actions as we try to deal with the grief is really an exercise in futility . The partner left behind will always play that movie for much of the rest of their days , what if I had been there , what if I might have picked up on warnings that she wouldn't have seen . If I had been in that bed beside her at the critical time , could I have saved her life . There are also the other What Ifs . My Kitty had a catastrophic heart attack while in her bed resting before cooking dinner . I was on a video call with Kitty less than ten minutes before she was struck down . It was a special call because she was telling me about a house she was ready to buy for her and the kids ...and of course myself . She was so excited and happy about that but a bit stressed also in the face of such a big life change. We were planning to go to open houses and she could get my opinion the next day , Sunday ( end of my Quarantine after flying from Ireland through Boston and on to California. about 16 hours and wearing a proper Respirator all the way until I got out of the airport in SF . I worried about giving Kitty the "Plague " if I were to pick it up on my travels . I got through my travels safely I must add.
I lost Kitty one day before we were to be reunited .
I will reiterate , I would never regret falling hard for Kitty and the kids , even considering the pain and grief that her loss has brought me. In our three short years we did so much and had such good times and so much fun . We were amazed that we found each other in this huge world , against all the odds . We were totally compatible and loved the same things , the Ocean at Santa Cruz Ca, an " Its it " ice cream bar before bedtime , having a Day Spa and massage when we could , making Pizza from scratch , making Sushi at home and snuggling up together and watching a Girlie Movie because that was what Kitty liked , a true Romantic at heart , such a Softie .
I will probably never find such a love again but I am so fortunate that we found each other just when we both thought that was just a fantasy until it wasn;t a fantasy and became real life for us.
Don't let fear of loss stop you , or distance ( us, Ireland / San Francisco ) , if you get that shiver of recognition , the eye contact or the email contact ( with COVID !! ) just go for it and don't sweat the small stuff . Believe me , most of the stuff we worry about is really the very small stuff .
Happy dating all . If someone wants to chat I would love it ..me ...lordedward55 and the other part g..m...a..i...l
Love to all out there , stay safe and wear your mask even after vaccine .
Such sad news yet again because a sick person with access to a weapon of war gunned down ten poor innocent victims . My heart goes out to the families of these unfortunate souls . He did not kill just ten people , he potentially Destroyed Ten Families , so very sad .
- 23 Mar, 2021
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